White Nights
Sometimes starry winter nights tilt,
As in a dream of Dostoevsky’s,
A madman on the deserted streets of Saint Petersburg
Only it’s a farm field, fenceless in the cold white light
And a dog running toward you,
Friendly, happy to see you,
Yes, your dog, the one you loved when you were five,
And the field tilts, or is it the stars that tilt,
And the dog running toward you not through the field
But through the mass of stars, so so so many,
And you feel you’re close to what’s really home,
Home without houses, without—thank God—memory,
Without anything more than a feeling of warmth,
Of love, nothing else was necessary,
Never was quite real, and there’s the dog
Getting closer across the stars, across the field,
Across the deserted streets of Saint Petersburg
And you try to close the book or you will die of happiness,
And the harder you try to close the book, you open the book
More and more open, hoping memory won’t come into it,
Hoping everyone you ever loved will be there, without memory,
Only with love, and these are white nights, nights
Without end, without colour, with only the sense that
Dogs and horses have when they know—know know know—
That something good is very near and warm, and
Dawn blows away like a coloured rag
And so does happiness, because this is happiness.
Passing, passing
Two students lie on their backs on a riverbank talking,
Their caps pushed back, their arms over their eyes
To protect their eyes from the sun, the river flowing,
The clouds unseen passing, passing. I will do this
And I will do that, one says. I will do this and I
Will do that, the other says. Each talks as if to himself,
That intimate, that unformed, that easy, because friends
Forever, their books in satchels on the grass, the river flowing,
The summer nearly over, the afternoon any afternoon,
As if there will be infinite afternoons, as if the sun were
A third friend, as if there were no difference between day
And drowsiness, as if there were no towns or obligations.
Later, much later, dying and very old—they had taken
Different paths, of course—one of them, the one who didn’t
Die at forty-five—sees himself on the riverbank again,
He and his friend talking, planning, letting the day run through
Their fingers, because why should the future ever come?
‘That was perfection,’ he thinks. ‘That the future was a story
We could sketch and discard, sketch and discard,
Our voices murmuring, our books in our satchels, our caps
Pushed back, all the ropes loosed and not our concern, really.
Maths is not perfection, perfection is not perfection,
Perfection is what music points to, the next note not there yet
And so not our concern yet, but surely something wonderful
Wherever it is going, and we were there, wherever it was going,
Wherever it was going.’
Copyright © Richard W. Halperin, 2013